belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
