I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
