the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
