I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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