sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
