i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
