Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
