new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
