Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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