i don't like sucking hair
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
