Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
