She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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