Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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