I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
