I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
