my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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