i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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