U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
