maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
