In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dicks are not precious.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
