it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
