There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
