My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
