the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
