There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
