Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
