She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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