I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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