I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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