If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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