I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
