she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
