He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
