Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
