I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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