just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
