I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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