Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
