i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
