The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
