is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
