you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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