i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
