I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
