OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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