Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
