:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
