She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
