Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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