Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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