I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this boner is exhausting
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
