batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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