I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
